(peacefully laboring in the tub)

Indigo was born in the hospital, and while it was a successfully drug-free birth, it was an overall pretty traumatic experience for me and I was left feeling like I had somehow failed. I initially swore off ever attempting a natural birth again, but my convictions about God's design for birth were greater than my fear, and I knew birth could be better than a hep-lock and 2 hours of coached pushing on your back, an amniotomy, episiotomy, and 20 questions while you're trying to labor. So when we found out we were pregnant with Tennyson, we knew we wanted to do a home birth. And his birth, to me, was redemptive. 

Alan woke to the sound of me rustling around in the dark at 6 am on Tuesday (as women in labor are prone to do). 

"I think I'm in labor," I said, and choked back a sob. I had been having mild contractions for a couple of hours that I had been wishing away, but they just kept coming, every 20 or so minutes. Not only had we moved all of our stuff out of our apartment and into storage and were now living out of suitcases at Alan's parents while waiting to close on our new house (not really part of the birth plan), but my due date meant I was only 36 weeks and some odd days, which meant both that we were completely unprepared, and that I might not be able to birth out of hospital (also not part of the plan). I got in touch with my midwife and spent the rest of the morning taking baths and naps and drinking a glass of wine to try to stop the mild contractions. 

In the early afternoon, when it became clear that things were progressing, I decided to double check with the midwife on the calculation of my due date, since it had always seemed a little late to me. To my utter and absolute relief, we discovered that it was off, and the new date put me into my 37th week. With that weight lifted off my shoulders, my mind and body were finally able to stop fighting with each other, and active labor started.

"This is happening, " I told Alan, and he left to scramble to pick up our birth box of supplies (which had arrived only the day before!), and the tub we were borrowing. 

The nurse arrived sometime after 2, checked me for the first and last time (5 cms), and the midwife and our doula arrived pretty soon after. Alan's mom came to retrieve Indy, the tub was filled, and I quietly roamed around the house drinking water and laboring, smiling and talking between contractions, and feeling completely in control the whole time. I eventually got into the tub, and at 5:08 pm, after roughly 8 minutes of pushing following my own body's cues, I birthed my baby into my own hands, and brought him up out of the water onto my chest. 

He was born in the caul (my water didn't break until his body was born) - a sign of good luck. 

(looking across at Alan, I'm pretty sure all I could say was "oh my gosh!")

Our little surprise! Tennyson Elliott Miller, 6 lbs. 10 oz. and 19.5 inches long. I think I'll keep him :)

We're packing y'all! For everyone who kept us in your thoughts and prayers after I wrote this post,  thank you. God was so faithful to us, and we're in the process of buying a starter home that we love! We'll be moving about 15-20 minutes west of here, to a beautifully rehabbed 1870's home in West Chicago. It is the perfect stepping stone for us in this time in our lives; it will allow us to stay in the more immediate area for another 5 or so years, while moving us closer to ultimate farm dreams (both physically, as it is moving us westwardly, and as a necessary and welcome intermediary life phase). So while I may not be allowed to have chickens for a few more years (though you'd better believe I'll be working on having those city ordinances changed!), we will be acquiring a nice little yard with fruit trees and berry bushes and a couple of raised beds, all ready for us, and we're eyeing a nice spot on the roof that may just house a beehive or two eventually. The bigger house and little plot of yard will offer many wonderful opportunities for some suburban homesteading indeed!

We're not totally sure if we'll be closing on time (we were originally supposed to close this Friday), but we're crossing our fingers to at least close before our lease is up at the end of this month. Either way, we have to be out of here by June 1st! So we've gotten a head start on packing (with much thanks to my mother-in-law, who is a very skilled and motivating packer). It's a bittersweet time; we are excited to move, but it's sad to see three years of our life, and Indy's only home thus far, sliding down off the walls and into boxes. We've spent most of our married life here, celebrated three Christmases, brought home our first baby and found out we were expecting our second baby in this space. So many good meals around that diningroom table, so much careful creating of spaces, just so many memories. I don't know how it will feel when its finally empty and we walk through it that last time and drive away: probably pretty heart-breaking, for sure. 

Anyways, we've made good progress and still have quite a ways to go with getting all our things into boxes. We have collected a lot since we lived in that studio where our bed was in the closet! We'll no doubt get rid of some stuff, but probably on the unpacking side of things (it might seem counterintuitive, but its much easier for me to just mindlessly cram things in boxes and postpone worrying about the careful evaluation of what should go when we have the luxury of leisurely unpacking and sorting at the new house). I'll make sure to snap a few pictures after closing on the new house to share here, so stay tuned!